Year 2 of my BPsych journey is at an end, and ‘Day 2′ of my Psychology Rally is also at an end. It has been an interesting year, with ups and downs, albeit more downs than ups as of late. I’ll try and put it into perspective using rally terminology. First, an explanation of how rally works.

//Explanation:

Rallying is a point-to-point form of racing, taking place on gravel/snow/tarmac(sealed) surfaces, occasionally with more than one surface type in the mix. Each rally consists of two or three days of racing, and each day’s covered distance is called a ‘leg’. Rallies take place on competitive timed ‘sprints’, on Special Stages [SS], with non-competitive (but time monitored) stages in between called road sections/stages. Each day in a rally will consist of several SSes, with participating performers attempting to clock the best performance in each stage. There are also Super Special Stages [SSS], which pit pairs of performers in a head-to-head ‘duel’ on a cross-over sealed surface circuit, not unlike rallycross.

Scoring is based on time; performers are ranked according to how fast they complete the given timed stage distance, the faster the better. This yields a somewhat unique way of competing, because each individual stage time

1) may be affected by performers running ahead or behind,

2) may be affected by those using tactics,

3) may be affected by differing stage conditions and incidents on the stage,

4) may be affected by general unpredictable conditions, such as weather.

5) may be affected by sudden, unforeseen faults or malfunctions of the vehicles or equipment on-stage

What this means is that there is no one surefire way to predict the winner, although consistency through the stages is one of the more reliable indicators of a high performer. The results are only clearly visible at the end of the entire rally, when all who are similarly competitive has completed the stages and have checked in.

How does this compare to studying in BPsych? Simple. Each year is a Day, and each subject is a Special Stage, with grouped assignments being a Super Special Stage, because everyone is in full view of everyone else. For this course, Day 1 has 12 stages in total, Day 2 has 11, and Day 3 will have the final 12. Because each performer’s time is the sole qualifier, there is no ‘blocking’ of others’ progress (possible in most other ‘first to finish’ races); everyone simply has to do their best on the stages to achieve the best overall time. That’s how I see life, like a rally. It’s not about going flat out or driving clean all the time. Sometimes, risks have to be taken, envelopes of performance pushed, boundaries tested, and consequences suffered. Not everyone walks away unscathed, but at the end of the day, it’s about surviving with speed.

//Recap:

Day 1 started steadily, and picked up pace as the year drew to an end. Seven SSSes and five SSes covered, total 12; five of the seven SSSes saw good results. Overall impressions were markedly impressive, with performer in good form and ready for the next year.

Day 2 started off on a positive note, with three SSSes slated for the first few hops. Only one of the three met expectations, with the remaining two falling drastically far behind. The next set of stages included three SSSes as well, with two of three maintaining the same performance as the previous day’s. Day 2′s closing loop of stages saw one SSS, which also fell below expectations. While the final tally of Day 2 has yet to be released, projections indicate a significant loss in tempo and capability. possibly dropping more than 20% of Day 1′s progress.

While regrouping from Day 2′s setbacks, it is hoped that Day 3 will offer more fruitful fighting chances. Day 2 showed some disturbing trends, perhaps as a result of complacency brought about by Day 1′s stellar results.

To start things off, I am by no means a professional or even competitive table tennis player. I have been playing since mid-March 2011, and only since end April have I stepped things up by taking a bit of a serious approach to it. Also, I have only ever played, for any significant period of time, with three blades, so this is not going to be a comparative review of every other TT blade out there. This piece is what MY impressions are at this point in time, at my skill level.

I started off using this unknown, made-in-China premade blade, courtesy of a friend. Wasn’t outstanding, but it felt nice to hold, quite unlike other pre-made rackets I have held (note: not used). Soon after, I moved on to a ‘named’ blade, a classic: the Butterfly Primorac, which I stuck with for the better part of a month, learning strokes and control and all that. These two blades I used in conjunction with supposedly semi-dead or dead rubbers, which probably meant I would have been producing a bit more speed and spin had I used brand-new versions of those, and probably would have lost most of the control on the Bryce Speed.

Late April, I obtained my first custom racket setup based on a recommendation by the same friend mentioned above: a Tibhar Sensitec Sigma 5-ply all-wood blade, paired with a Xiom Omega IV Pro (Black) and a Stiga Neos Sound Synergy Tech (Red) for forehand and backhand respectively. I now had to prove I was capable of controlling the speed and power of a Tensor rubber on a relatively fast all-wood blade, while retaining and integrating all the fundamentals I had learned with the Primorac.

It went rather well, despite having to adjust in small steps. As a result of the fast blade and fast forehand rubber, I had to exert a lot less strength, but a lot more control was needed, so finesse and not pure power was required. Now that I had a stable setup to call my own, I could learn at a faster pace, and I like to think I did just that, while getting used to the rubbers’ characteristics and the blade’s tendencies.

Fast forward to July, I switched to a Butterfly Keyshot Light, a remake of Butterfly’s first-ever Arylate blade, the Keyshot. My first composite (wood + arylate) blade, I adapted to it a lot, lot faster than I adapted to my Sigma. Probably because by then I knew roughly what I could and could not comfortably do with my strokes, and knew what I needed from a blade. By changing to the KSL, I opted for a slightly slower blade with more effective control, which made perfect sense, as I was far from lacking in arm strength, compared to many others I play against. Added control meant I could now ‘manipulate’ the ball in more precise ways, while still retaining the speed of my previous blade (the wonders of swing practice with a 1.5Kg dumbbell).

So for comparisons, I’ll mention my impressions here. Do note that closer comparisons exist between the Sigma and KSL, because the same rubbers were used on both blades, along with reduce skill/consistency gap between the two as compared to the Sigma/Primorac. I used the Primorac long before I got used to either the Sigma or the KSL; the interval would have seen my consistency and technique improve somewhat significantly.

Speed overall:

KSL ~= Sigma ~> Primorac.

Reason for the equivalent speed rating was probably due to the rubbers used; in any case, the Primorac felt slower on certain shots.

Speed on spin shots:

KSL > Sigma; Primorac unknown

Again, probably very much a rubber issue, but I felt that the KSL tended to give more consistent spin shots with the same strokes than the Sigma. Might be due to the fact that arylate increases the dwell time of the blade, in turn imparting more spin. Or I might just be subconsciously adjusting my strokes due to a more comfortable grip. In any case, my topspin shots were more consistent from the first time off with the KSL than with the Sigma. The Primorac had completely different rubbers, which kind of invalidates any comparison based on spin.

Symbols: ~ roughly equivalent to; > greater than; < less than; = equal to

Speed on flat-hits:

Sigma > Primorac; KSL unknown.

I haven’t done enough flat-out smacking with the KSL to really tell a difference, but so far, the Sigma is excellent at simply blasting the ball towards the other side. The Primorac simply doesn’t compare in this area.

Controllability:

KSL > Primorac ~= Sigma

In simpler terms, being able to consistently place the ball where I intend it to go. The Primorac, with the virtue of being slower than either the KSL or the Sigma, was a lot easier to control, but the skill level difference may have accounted for the similar control with the Sigma. The KSL was by far a lot easier to control than the Sigma, though this could be a psychological thing as much as it is a physical thing.

Grip feeling:

KSL > Sigma > Primorac

It probably isn’t much, but the straight, self-sanded and varnished handle of the KSL did wonders for my grip on the blade. I didn’t have to consciously adjust my grip as much as I did with the Sigma, or the Primorac, which probably meant more comfortable strokes. To be fair, I sanded the Sigma handle after getting the KSL and I must say it feels somewhat better to grip now than the grooved, unsanded texture, which felt kind of like the Primorac. I didn’t like the rough handle texture of the Primorac, as it really hurt the skin on my palm after a while. The straight handle of the KSL also meant I didn’t feel like my palm was ‘riding up’ the handle every time I took a big swing.

Ball feel:

Primorac ~> Sigma; KSL unknown.

I have to warn you, this is REALLY subjective, as I think I have a lot left to learn in this aspect, but from first impressions, the Primorac seems to ‘kick’ a bit more with certain spin shots, which provided a bit more feedback than the Sigma did. Again, the difference in rubbers may make up for this, but when dealing with high amounts of machine-generated spin, I think the Primorac allowed me to feel the spin a bit better than the Sigma. Haven’t had the chance to hit with a machine with the KSL, so it is untested in this aspect.

All in all, I am a bit biased in favour of my Keyshot Light, simply because it is the first blade I really did in-depth research on, a little over two months of near-daily comparisons based on statistics, opinions of many others, in comparisons with blades I have played with. I also found an unexpected amount of comfort in my straight handle preference, along with a sanded and varnished grip, which required that I hold the blade firmly but not tightly, the proper way to grasp a blade. All these, along with an ever-increasing level of skill and consistency, add up to increased performance, compounded only by my left ankle, which hasn’t fully recovered from the sprain I suffered early July. I daresay I’ll stick with the Keyshot Light for a quite a while yet, simply because it performs admirably in the roles I emphasize.

This month has definitely not been letting me have an easy time. From ankle injuries to financial reshufflings, I’ve seen more activity in July alone than in the past 6 months of 2011.

July started off with a seemingly simple paintball game on the 2nd. To me, it wasn’t much of an issue, having gone PB’ing before. To that effect, I prepared myself with appropriate gear: 8 inch SWAT boots, cargo slacks, dual-layer jacket as a buffer against paintballs, light inner shirt, and peaked cap turned backward for neck protection.

All it took was a slippery concrete floor with mud on it to ruin my day. Spraining my ankle not even a minute into the first game meant that I was functioning at less than 40% capability. Not only was I unable to walk upright without limping, I couldn’t even crouch properly. I had to resort to something akin to kneel-creeping to move safely, and crawling with elbows and knees. Not RM60 well spent I should say!

The following week saw me hobbling around, trying to regain functional use of my left ankle, and by Friday, six days after the injury, I was able to walk about unaided (by walls!). Even got a bit of basic table tennis hitting in, but alas, not being able to support my own weight meant that I was limited to newbie-swinging; couldn’t even do a proper weight-transfer hitting motion.

Week two saw me up and about trying to resume normal daily routine (in-between having examinations), which usually consisted of table tennis on campus and little else. I was appreciably chipper when I was able to place an order to replace my faithful but slightly uncontrollable table tennis blade. I decided to drop some RM217 (+ shipping from Japan) on a Butterfly Keyshot Light, a wood-arylate combination blade. First major financial expenditure.

Week three, this, saw the unexpected arrival of my new blade: I had expected a tracking number from the store, but none arrived, and no notification of my order being shipped out was given. Oh well, I had my brand new blade, and resolving not to make the same mistakes I did with my first blade, I set aside some time to prepare the blade before use. Spent a fair sum on blade sealant, a tube of water-based glue (brand new start with new blade and all that) and a new box of TT balls. Second significant expenditure (albeit by no means major).

Today, barely a week after all that, after some research and careful consideration, I dropped RM240 on an Aircast AirSport ankle brace. My third-highest single item expenditure of all time. Is it worth it, considering a simple ankle wrap or compression brace costs around RM20-50? Well, I haven’t tested it in a heavy-load condition yet to be able to safely say, but I’ll say this much: having sprained my right ankle last year and learning how inconvenient it is to normal daily functioning, I’m not skimping on protection. This one sprain on my left is hindrance enough, without having to risk recurrence. To that end, I’ll be using the brace for what it’s worth whenever I’m in the table tennis mood.

As a result, I am really, really skint for the month of July. August and September will have to see some drastic reductions in expenditure.

This was supposed to be related to another entry that I was writing in preparation of an assignment, due next week, but I decided that this would be better if it stood alone.

People talk about identity as if it were a sure thing. I recall a time when there was this idealistic fervour that ran along the lines of “I’m not Chinese, Indian, or Malay; I’m Malaysian”. Sure you are. I found that notion somewhat idealistic and a little on the ridiculous side of things back then, and I still do, but that’s just my opinion.

I posit that my identity, as well as the identity of each and every individual in the world, is solely determined by what that particular individual wants to include as part of his or her concept of self. Example, some people consider the production of music as an integral part of their life, that’s part of what makes them uniquely them. Some consider a life of devotion towards helping others an integral part of their life, that’s identity.

So…yeah. That makes sense. What makes the above worth a post entry? This: I have been irritated by the reactions of people towards things that I do or attitudes that I practice that violate normal expectations.

Example: I don’t eat banana leaf rice despite being born in Malaysia and having lived in M’sia my whole life.

Reaction: “You serious? You call yourself a Malaysian?” (Partly in jest, I hope) / “You can’t be serious, you must try it.” (Alright, this can be chalked up to enthusiasm)

My thoughts: So what if I don’t eat banana leaf rice? Does it make me any less Malaysian? What is it that fills my ‘Malaysian-quota’? By law, I need only be born in Malaysia to be a Malaysian citizen, and that alone fulfils MY ‘Malaysian-quota’. I carry a Malaysian identity card, a Malaysian driver’s license, and I happen to be residing in Malaysia.

Reasoning behind my thoughts: I don’t consider being part of any one ‘group’ an integral part to my identity. A group, in this sense, has certain labels and criteria associated with it, and being ‘Malaysian’ (by social standards, not just legal standards) obviously means that you should possess certain attitudes or traits that make you ‘Malaysian’.

Like hell.

I decide who or what gets to define who I am. I don’t need to be associated with the ‘tradition’ or ‘culture’ of ANY group in order to exist as a perfectly functional human being. So what if I look like a Chinese person? Doesn’t make me any less capable of speaking English, preferring Western cuisine over Asian cuisine, or immersing myself completely in anything that is accessible with an excellent command of the English language.

A question I asked myself a long time ago, back when I was an unsure adolescent: Is it wrong for me to think like someone who has been brought up in an American/British environment?

I found that answer a few years later, a resounding no. I may be born looking like a Chinese but I can choose not to be one, simply because all that identifies me as Chinese is the fact that I have brown eyes, black hair and yellow-orange skin. Nothing else. And it goes for most everyone in the world. I suppose the best example to illustrate this would be Caucasians. Within the range of brown/blonde/auburn hair colours and the pale skin tones, you could probably find people of American, Australian, German or Swedish nationalities. Yet all of them are different, partly due to what they choose to be representative of them. Some embrace the culture, some the land, some the physical appearance, but all chose to be different.

I chose to be different. Instead of embracing ‘conventionally Asian’ values of collectivist-oriented thinking, I veered strongly towards the individualistic mindset. Instead of trying to wear the persona of a ‘proud Malaysian’, I chose to recognize Malaysia as three primary and discrete components, of which my affinity towards one did not dictate my affinity of the other two. Instead of ‘trying to fit in’ with peer culture and developing mentally at the normal rate, I took my own, decidedly experimental route and ended up ahead. It isn’t easy, but I don’t think many who stand out beyond the crowd are ever presented with the choice of an easy way up. An easy way out, yes, to some, but never up.

//

What I am trying to point out is: what defines you is what you decide to be a part of your identity. If it’s a particular area of aptitude, so be it. Michael Schumacher the best technical Formula One driver to date. Sebastien Loeb the best rally driver to date. Michael Jackson, the Negro American who eventually rose to fame as the King of Pop. If it’s a particular cause to rally for, so be it. Martin Luther King Jr who lived and died for civil rights. Mother Teresa who devoted her life to serve the needy.

When we mention these names to others, the usual reaction is to recall their achievements. These people are associated with the things they do not just because of the things they do or feats they accomplish, but because of their motivation and passion for what they do. When you reach the height of your career or attain widespread fame, what do you want to be associated with? When you pass on, how do you want to be known?

I know my identity, and it is secure, firmly within the recesses of my mind. When it no longer reflects me, so will I cease to be.