Throughout years, I’ve gotten requests to do this or that for people, paid and unpaid, and I’ve lent out a fair amount of stuff, some of which did disappear on the other side. As a result, I wrote a disclaimer of sorts that specified, in rather technical (read: lawyer-wannabe) terms, what to expect in a given situation. I figured the previous disclaimer would confuse a lot of people, so here it is in a simple, straightforward page:
When borrowing games/other digital media from me:
1. Return them to ME, and ME alone. If a mutual friend wants to borrow it, return it to ME still. It’s easier to keep track of who borrowed what, when that way. Mail it through a courier with tracking if you have to.
2. Don’t ask me for help with the game’s installation/patching. I didn’t code the game, nor make any modifications to it. Understand that IF I help you, it is a favour to you and NOT an obligation on my part. You are borrowing my game media only, nothing more. It’s to save you the hassle of obtaining replacement media, and NOT to circumvent copyright protection; what you do with it is purely your decision and none of my business. If you absolutely must seek my assistance, see related terms below.
3. Don’t damage my stuff. This goes without saying, but most of the time my physical DVD copies are the only copies of that particular media I have. You damage it, and you’re not likely to be lent anything, ever, or until my memory fails me.
When asking me for personal help with/on [insert suitable subject here]:
1. Whatever I do or say are RECOMMENDATIONS based on the best of my knowledge and ability, not the collective wisdom of humanity throughout the ages of civilization. I do not make guarantees that it’ll always work out for you, and there’s bound to be a time when my knowledge and experience fails me; just pray it isn’t you, the day before a deadline. If you voluntarily allow me to access your notebook computer or other electronic gadget in hopes that I can remedy an issue, you agree to NOT hold me responsible for anything adverse that may occur as a result of my interaction with your property. If you’d rather not risk someone (like me) who insists on a no-liability clause, please feel free to look for someone else to help you out.
2. If you aren’t paying me in specified, quantifiable terms, you are operating off my goodwill. What this means, is that if you exhaust my patience OR my goodwill, you are sh** out of luck.
3. Even if you are paying me in specified, quantifiable terms, understand that unless you’re paying me disproportionate amounts in my favour, you are still dependent on my goodwill. Of course, given that you are compensating me, I will make every effort and honest attempt to remain helpful, patient, and on-topic regarding your subject, BUT, I will not guarantee that an ID-Ten-T error on your part won’t just bring our collaboration to an abrupt end.
4. Realize that I am human; I make mistakes, so do you. I won’t harp on it, if you won’t. Point out my mistakes in a factual manner, leave the interpretations to ME, and I’ll do the same for you.
5. Again, I am human. My patience is limited, although somewhat extensible, in the right situation(s). Please don’t take my willingness to accommodate add-on requests as being easy to walk over. If and when I rebound, you will be airborne. Consequences guaranteed, disastrous ones highly probable.
When hiring me for a one-off task (In the event that I barely/do not know you):
1. Understand that you are hiring my skill(s), not my person. As a result, you may consult me on matters related to what you hired me for, and nothing beyond that, unless I opt to discuss it at my discretion.
2. You are not entitled to drain every little bit of information or skill I possess regarding the given subject from me. Be rational: unless you’re paying me for my life’s experience in equally valuable terms, you and I are strictly conducting professional business. Again, if I do provide extra, it is per my discretion and not a guaranteed ‘value-added’ service. I’m not TMNet, I don’t over-promise and under-deliver, so if I do provide extra on a given case, it is not a precedent: it won’t always be applicable nor should you take it as a ‘baseline’ performance level.
If it sounds harsh and/or confrontational, then I’ve done my job. If you’re offended, then chances are you are better off not looking for my assistance (of any sort) in the first place. Granted, the people who get offended are people who I’d probably not want to have anything to do with in the first place, so we’re par.
Don’t worry, though. If you’re polite and respectable, I assure you I’ll return the favour. Interact with me as a decent, mature and intelligent person, and you’ll probably have little trouble staying within the boundaries of the statements above.